Thankful Hearts

Tasha used this blog to share all about her journey. The thing that she shared most was her thankfulness. She expressed continual gratitude for her family and friends. She felt loved, supported, and blessed all the time. During her last week she remained surrounded by the love and support of her family and friends, and she continued to express her thankfulness for this.

Mike really wants everyone to know how thankful he is too. He continues to be amazed by everyone. The love and support has not stopped now that Tasha is gone. He is so grateful for the kindness that was shown during Tasha’s life, and is awed by the love that continues to be poured onto his family. The cards, flowers, prayers, and kind words have touched both Mike and Ava’s hearts.

Now I want to take a moment to express my own thankfulness. I am thankful to have known Tasha. She was an amazing person. She was truly lovely on the inside and out. She constantly showed kindness to everyone around her. During our friendship she taught me so much about teaching, marriage, children, and life. During her fight she taught me about courage, strength, faith, and wisdom. Mostly, she taught me to be thankful. Lesson learned—I am thankful that God brought such an incredible person into my life.

Arrangements

The family has made arrangements for the visitation and funeral of Tasha.  Here is the information as written in the obituary.  The full obituary and online condolences message board can be found at www.speakschapel.com starting February 21, 2012. 

Mass of Christian Burial will be held at 11:00 a.m., Thursday, February 23, 2012 at the St. Francis Xavier Catholic Church, 1001 E. 52nd St., Kansas City, MO 64110 with cremation to follow.  There will be a rosary recited at 6:00 p.m., Wednesday, February 22, 2012 followed by visitation until 8:30 p.m. at the Speaks Suburban Chapel, 18020 E. 39th St., Independence, MO 64055.  In lieu of flowers donations may be made to Ava Berls education fund. 

Tasha

An amazing woman went to heaven today.  Tasha passed away early this morning.  She spent her final hours surrounded by the love of her family and friends.  Even in the end, she made it clear how much she appreciated all the love and support that she has received over the last 13 months. 

Top 10...

So a year ago today, on a Friday, is when it all began...I can remember every step like it was yesterday.  Really, looking back it all started the day before but thankfully I was clueless for one more day.  Mike, Ava and I had just gotten into the car at Price Chopper when I received a call from the pulmonary doctor's office....I had had pneumonia and had fluid drained the week before, big deal, right....the receptionist asked if they could move my follow up appointment up a week to today.  She said it was highly important I bring someone along....again, we think, oh good he's going to release me to go back to work.   So I call mom to
see if she can join the fun at the doc.   Well, SLAM A BAM BAM when that doctor walked in and began telling us that cancer cells were found in the fluid drained from my lungs.  I think mom and I could have been knocked over by a feather...What?  I didn't even feel bad from the pneumonia....What? I have been going to a very intense personal trainer.....What?  This guy is WRONG!  So he says that they aren't sure where the cancer cells are traveling from.  They think it's my ovaries.  They send me off to imaging.  Lots of images taken and read stat of the whole lower part of my body....phone call from the pulmonary doctor. He says, no your ovaries, spleen, kidneys all look great...he says I wouldn't go telling people you have cancer at this point.  Hmmmm so I was right this guy was wrong all along??   Mom goes to get Ava. I'm home alone and the doctor calls again.  Ok Tasha now the pathologist has had another pathologist read your report and they all feel it's coming from your lung....Tasha you have lung cancer.   The next 30 minutes were the longest minutes I can remember.  I was alone.  Mike hadn't gotten home yet, and I remember not wanting to call him because he'd be driving.  Now I could keep going but I don't want to bore everyone.  I could have gotten stuck on so many things here, and don't get me wrong, I went in my bedroom that Friday night I didn't really come out until Monday.  Mike went downstairs and didn't really come up.....Mom, well, she held it together like the brick she is and stayed out in the living room and made Ava think this was the best weekend ever.  They cooked and cooked and cooked....no one ate....but they cooked!  So, the pulmonary doc referred me to a oncologist but you know that pulmonary doctor was not one of my favorite people anymore so I didn't want to listen to him.  I listened to God instead and God had thrown some great people into my life because He knew this event was about to happen.  Then, He went before me and opened some doors and I followed Him right to my Oncologist's door that very Thursday afternoon on a horribly snow filled day!   Now as I look back at this year I can cry, be mad, question...and don't get me wrong I do.   But, I can also praise God for all that has happened so I've decided to write a top 10!

10 Gifts Cancer has Given Me:

10.  The gift ok knowing  I'm not crazy for going to the doctor over and over and over saying something was off.......NO ONE knows  your body like you do

9.  It's ok to cry for sad reasons or happy reasons for gosh sakes it ok to show emotion for that matter

8.  I can put myself first and take care of me and it's NOT selfish

7.  To worry less about what other think and do what I want when I want and ENJOY life as I want it

6.  You never know what someone is going through so be kind all the time

5.  To put my family first. Someone else can take my place at work....I will be missed but can be replaced....no one can take my place as wife, mom,daughter, sister, cousin, friend

4.  That no one knows what's going to happen in life so live like you were dying!!

3.  It's ok to say you need help that's why God surrounded me by amazing people

2.  To build build build memories with my Ava

1.   To believe in miracles


Now I could have recorded all this and done my own version of the latest country music song, but 1--it would have been set to the tune of Row, Row, Row your Boat or Twinkle, Twinkle (all my songs are made to those tunes) and 2--I have a distinct feeling only Ava....well and Tif because she's jealous of this God given talent of mine...would truly appreciate me singing it!!!

God Bless you all and l can't wait to see the miracles 2012 has in store for us all! 

Another update from a friend...

Tasha is still in the hospital. They drained her lung again. It just keeps filling up with fluid, so the doctor is considering putting a lung catheter in to allow drainage. They have done a lot of scans to see to try to get as much information as possible. The latest CT scan showed that the cancer has most likely spread to her right lung and to her spleen. She had a terrible reaction to the latest cancer drug they tried, so they are once again exploring other options. She also has a severe infection in her throat, which is making her really uncomfortable and will probably keep her in the hospital until it improves. Tasha continues to express her amazement at how supportive everyone is. Please pray for her and her family.  If we all stopped and prayed for her every time we thought about her, just think how many prayers that would be! 

Surgery Update

Surgery went well! They ended up draining quite a bit of fluids from the lungs and heart. They performed a bronchial scope to see what the bronchial tubes looked like inside. They sent the tissue off for testing. Tasha will update when she knows more information. Thank you all for the continued prayers and support. Both Tasha and her family greatly appreciate it!

An update from a friend...

Tasha is in the hospital. She has been there since Friday. She started out at St. Luke's but then moved to St. Joseph because of insurance reasons and because that is where Dr. Davidner goes. She went because she was severely short of breath, having terrible leg cramps, and really bad migraines. They have ran a lot of tests to determine what is wrong. They know that the cancer is back in full force and that is a large part of it. They have also checked her for blood clots and additional heart and lung problems. They are very concerned about the fluid building around her heart. They have tried to manage it with medication and even considered draining her lungs again. After monitoring her for the last few days they are planning on performing heart surgery on Tuesday. The procedure will drain the fluid and create an overflow window in her heart to prevent this from happening again. They will also do a bronchial scope to check for anything else. Tasha is in good spirits and wanted to update everyone, but the hospital is not the most convenient place to blog from!

The good news is that the insurance approved the new cancer drug so that is exciting! She is already taking the new cancer drug! Keep her in your prayers. She is one amazing lady and I know we all love her. The good news is that she knows her family and friends love her too!

It's the happiest season of all.....

What a busy and wonderful time of the year!  Christmas makes me feel like a child.  I think there is nothing better than looking at decorations and Christmas lights!  And I'm not sure who is worse when a gift is added under the tree Ava or me.....we both rush to check and see who it's for.  Even though the holidays are busy it always reminds me of how blessed I am.  I have such great family and friends.  It brings me such joy to shop for others, attend holiday parties, and make plans to help my family have a fabulous Christmas!  I love telling the Christmas story to Ava, as a girl after my own heart, she loves nativities which gives us the perfect opportunity to focus on the true meaning of Christmas.  It amazes me every time I see the joy in her eyes when she sees baby Jesus and knows that he came to Earth for us. 

Along with all the joys of season I've also had some setbacks.  I've had pneumonia the last couple of weeks but I am feeling much better the past few days.  In running all the tests for the pneumonia the doctors discovered that the cancer tumors in my bronchial tube lymph nodes are much larger.  3 months ago everything was continuing to shrink to hardly noticeable but unfortunately the tumors are growing now and we need to once again switch courses.  My doctor and his team are working on a new plan and have a certain drug in mind but there are some paper work hoops to jump through. 

Although this is not the news we had hoped to hear we will continue to push on and fight this battle.  In this season of miracles we never know what to expect.  I know with the love and support of my family and friends I will make it through this bump and be stronger because of it.   God Bless you all and Merry Christmas! 

Just Breathe.....

Today was my 3rd PET scan.  As I waited to go back I thought about all the blessings I've been given in the past 8 months.  All the prayers that have been answered and continued this thinking throughout my scan.  I have been surrounded by the most amazingly supportive group of people anyone could imagine and I believe that's a large part of my success with beating cancer. And although I thought about this, and believe this wholeheartedly I still felt like I held my breath until 5:00 when I received  the anticipated call from Dr. Davidner.  He began with we've got great news.......ahhhhh breathe!!  My lymph nodes still have cancer in them but it's shrinking.  So Dr. Davidner will consult his team and decide if we need to make any changes to treatment but he feels confident what we are doing is working and we will continue this course!  Thank you for all the continued prayers and support you are all amazing!  God Bless!!

Twas the Night Before the FIRST day of school...

It's one of my favorite times of the year!  School starts tomorrow.  12 years of teaching and I still get the first day jitters.  Can't wait to have all my kiddos there and get the year started.  I LOVE getting to know all of them and building our classroom community. I can only hope that while building our community that all my new families understand the twist that life has brought me and my family.  As I go back to school I hope and pray that my health remains good.  I have been battling some issues with my voice but we haven't been able to find the culprit as of yet.  My doctors are assuming it could be chemo related, it could be allergies, all I know is I like talking TOO much to have any issues with my voice!  I will continue my treatment schedule of every three weeks for the time being.  I have treatment again in a couple of weeks and after that it's time for a PET scan to make sure things are still looking good.  I ask for continued prayers for good health and strength.  I'm not the only one with jitters tonight. Ava is embarking on a new journey tomorrow as well.  She will be going to preschool at Blackburn this year.  Big and exciting changes. She may have some fears but as a typical girl she knew what was important....finding the perfect outfit for the first day of school!  She said "I need a fancy outfit because you HAVE to look fancy for the first day of school!!" 

Back At It!!

I am now on maintenance treatment for the time being.  Instead of having to go weekly I now go every three weeks for about an hour.  Today started this new treatment, with a new drug.  Although all went great it is a little weird tonight sitting wondering if or how the new drug will effect me.  It's all any of us around here can think about.  And the crazy part is I may have no side effects at all which is what of course we are all hoping for.  But what I do know is no matter the side effects it won't be as bad as before because I don't have it for 2 weeks...yes!!  It's so easy to focus on the little things like side effects or treatment day and loose sight of the big picture.... MIRACLES ARE HAPPENING!!.  I'm trying to remind myself to thank God daily for the blessings occuring in my body and my life.   So I continue to ask for prayers for strength and good health.  I know all of our prayers are being heard! 

You find out who your friends are...

An amazing number of people showed up with their big old hearts on Saturday to show their support for me.   Saturday night my amazing family held "Ropin for Tasha".   Because of the weather the roping part of the event was canceled but they still had a bbq dinner and an auction.  The turn out was incredible.  Not only do I have what I consider one hell of a family I have been blessed with some of the most giving friends of our family.  It was an amazing, laid back, fun event.  I was able to see some family friends I haven't seen in years and it felt like I was a kid again!  To be surrounded by family, friends, food, and fun....I can't imagine a better way to spend an evening.  And to think they were all there to support my family makes it all the more remarkable.  Thank you to my Northwest Missouri Family and Friends.  I have an amazing family!  We have always been very, very close.  Well this time I think they out did themselves.

Answered Prayers

Last week when I met with Dr. Davidner he told me about a new drug he thinks we should switch to but before being able to switch he needed to see where we stood.  So he ordered a PET scan which I had this Wednesday.  After a long evening and day of waiting we finally got the call with excellent news.  The PET scan had good results.  My body has responded tremendously to the treatment I've been doing.  My lung is completely clear as is my back.  A tumor is starting to grow back in my lymph nodes but Dr. Davidner assured me we could handle this.  So we are switching courses and I will be starting a new drug in a week.  This week we have to prepare my body and I have to begin B12 shots.  The reason for changing at this time, is new findings that doing this treatment after the course I was previously on increases the time a lung cancer patient stays in remission.  So while this is fabulous news and God has blessed me more than I could ever imagine by no means am I clear and this is over.  What I have had to come to terms with is I will have to learn to live with cancer.  This will be a life long journey for me....but for now it is one more miracle on the road to what I have to believe will be miracle after miracle! 

Not my week!

Not the best week here.  I first called to set up my PET scan and soon got news I was not happy with.  I found out that when Dr. Davidner had said 3 treatments and then scan he had meant 3 rounds of treatments.  9 full weeks not the 3 weeks like I had thought.  I guess that was wishful thinking on my part!  I will do whatever it takes and make the best of it but I do have to admit I was a bit disappointed.  My friend Sarah and I head out to treatment on Thursday, I have my blood drawn, get weighed, blood pressure taken, and go sit in my recliner, get my self wrapped in my blankets, all the fun weekly tasks.  Then we wait and wait and wait.  I'm beginning to think ok people what's going on here.  Finally the nurse comes to let me know Dr. Davidner has decided my white blood count is too low for treatment that day.  She tells me I need to take it easy for a week and stay away from big crowds.  Or places that large amounts of people go.  I think how weird I feel great.  I guess I'm taking it as a blessing a week without chemo equals a week without side effects.  And so today Ava and I kicked off our week of relaxation by staying in our jammies all day and watching movies.  Doesn't sound to bad does it!  We continue to pray for good health here at the Berls house and ask that you do the same.  Thank you for all the support! 

Little People Big Blessings!

Each year late May I begin to get sentimental and sad that my first graders are moving on to second grade.  We really become a family in our classroom.  This year though is so different.  Because of everything I've gone through I have grown so close to my first graders and their families.  These families have become more than my first grade parents they've become my friends.  As I sit here thinking about all I need to do to wrap up the school year I can't help but feel very emotional and quite frankly a bit scared.  Since February these people have been through it all with me, in a way they're my comfort and it's a bit scary to think of them leaving.  They understand and trust that I will give it my all to do best by their children.  It's crazy to think ahead to the fall and a new set of families coming in and my having to gain thier trust and I'm sure soothe their worries that their child has been placed in the classroom of the teacher who spent many days absent because of cancer.  I also have high expectations that the case will be quite different by August and I will NOT be the teacher with cancer rather the teacher who HAD cancer.  All I can hope and wish for is that God blesses me with another classroom filled with compasoniate giving families as I'm sure he will!  

Thank you for all you've done for me and with me Room 3!

Here We Go Again.....

 

 Started back with chemo today....all three drugs.  We were there from 9:30-3:00 long day!  I will do two more weeks after today and then schedule the PET scan and see where everything stands!  I also met with Dr. Davidner and he said everything looks good. I've been having a little pain in my side and have a mild cough.  He thinks the cough is just related to allergies and nothing to worry about.  He didn't feel anything out of the ordinary in my exam so just wants me to watch the pain and if it gets worse we will do some scans.  But he told me how great it is that I am listening to my body and not blowing one little ache or pain off....he needs to know everything.  Uhhh no problem!  Here's what I've discovered, once you have cancer nothing feels like "just allergies".  You listen to your body more than you did before.  You feel every little tiny thing and you wonder what it is.  You try and think to yourself oh it's probably "just allergies" but in the back of your mind you still wonder.  Now really listening to your body and telling your doctor everything is what should have always been happening however if one did this they'd be considered a hypochondriac and crazy!!  So what I've learned and can share with everyone......who cares let your crazies out, listen to your body and call your doctor too often!   

Oh What a Night.....



The Terrace on Grand



The Yummy Cupcakes


 I think one of my best decisions was made at the Outback in Maryville on St. Paddy's Day 1995 when I vowed to be friends forever with Michelle Krambeck Burge.  Who knew then the roller coaster ride God would send our friendship on.  We've been through a lot of good and a lot of bad these past years but I know I can always count on her no matter what!    So Thursday night she out did herself she decided to throw a fundraiser for me.  She enlisted the help of a few friends and family and set out to pull off an incredible event.  And boy was it ever!  Overwhelmed.......completely overwhelmed.  That's the only way to describe how I feel about the support I got at this event. Hundreds of family members, friends, co-workers, friends of friends all there enjoying themselves, eating, drinking, watching a surprise show, listening to music, dancing, buying auction items and all for me.  UNBELIEVABLE!!

The Surprise Visitors



The One Who Put It All Together



Thank you to everyone for all your support......you are all AMAZING!!  You can find all the pictures from the night at www.j2photography.com/tashasfight





A SLAM DUNK Event

This weekend a team of 4th graders, The Bruins, and their parents sponsored a basketball tournament in my name.  What an honor!  It all started with one set of parents whose younger son is in my classroom.  What an amazing thing, for all these people plus others to have given their time and weekend for me.  Gosh this makes the Bruins 1st place in my opinion!  I am blessed in so many ways and by so many people. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

Gimme a break....

We met with Dr. Davidner today.  He didn't like hearing about all my side effects, especially those to do with leg cramps.  He decided the best thing for  me and my body right now is to take a small break.  So I get to enjoy the next 4 weeks chemo free!  He said my body responds best when it's in top shape and right now it is not!  The plan is to start chemo back up the end of May.  We will then do 3-6 more weeks of therapy.  After that I will have a PET scan to see how the cancer has responded.  So we will be praying for amazing results!

Following the PET scan I will probably begin working with a radiologist who will most likely order radiation on my back and lung.  This part, of course, is my Dr.'s guess as to what he feels the radiologist will want to do.  Thank you God for answered prayers! I needed a lift to get to feeling better and hopefully this is the
answer. Thank you all for the continued prayers and support it means so very much!

Another Thursday!

 My sweet friend Jill joined me today at Chemo.  Number 10 down! Everything went well and quite fast considering I had all 3 drugs today.  We then headed for a yummy lunch and just a little jewelry shopping!  I'm getting a bit spoiled with all the fun lunches after treatment.  I won't know what to do with myself once
this ends.  I've been having some really bad headaches so my oncologist had me do a CAT Scan yesterday.  Thankfully he let me know today that everything looks normal.  He keeps telling me my brain looks fabulous!  He once said he could tell I'm smart....boy do I LOVE this man!  He also told me our plan of action for right now is to continue on this same path because we know that its working.  He doesn't have an ending date at this time, but he does know that once we end chemo he will have me begin radiation.  He believes my body will handle it better doing one treatment at a time.  He doesn't want me to get too run down from too much treatment.  Although I was hoping for a end to be in my close future, I know I'm in good hands and will do whatever he says.  With God providing me with so many supporters by my side I know I can do anything!