Oh, What a Beautiful Morning!

 Since my body has a new 3:30 a.m. wake up time I was up extra early.  I decided Mom, Ava, and I should enjoy breakfast before starting our long day of treatment.  We got done with time to spare so I dropped by school to visit my spectacular first graders!!  I love seeing my kiddos.  They bring me lots and lots of smiles!!  Boy they brought me more than a smile today.  Sheila, my current sub, former coworker, and always close friend, gave each of my students a piece of fabric to decorate. She then made the squares into a quilt from my room 3 family.  They were super excited to give it go me.  It was so sweet it made me cry.  As if I didn't tear up enough one of my sweeties told me that now even if I'm not at school they would be with me.  Is this not what makes life so wonderful?  This is what it's all about. 

Now I could stop here and think......Wow I had an unbelievable morning, but no......I also got a cute basket from an anonymous friend filled with cute little poems and gift cards to celebrate all my good days.  I see LOTS of shopping and pedicures in my future.  Wow, what a GREAT way to start my day! 

Mom and I then headed off for my long day of treatment.  Today was number 7, and I got all 3 drugs today.  We were there about 4 hours but time went by quickly.  My blood counts were all in the normal range.  I've been very very fatigued lately so I talked with the nurse about this and if there is anything I can do to remedy the situation...but it's just all part of the treatments.  I'm focusing on all the positives like up until this moment how great I've felt and how I'm truly surrounded by the most amazing people and kids ever!  I continue to feel blessed daily! 

Two Steps Forward, 1 Step Back

My oncologist called today to see what happened yesterday at the MRI.  He told  me a story about when he had a panic attack in an MRI machine.  He then told me the good news...I don't have to redo it!  He got enough information with the time I was in to see what he needed to see!  YEAH!!  He then told me the downside.  The tumor in my back is still there but from what he can tell it hasn't changed.  He is consulting
with a friend in New York that has been working with him on my case but he is pretty sure we will continue chemotherapy and now add radiation to my back.  This is so disappointing after hearing how the chemo is working in my lymph nodes and lungs!  I think today's news was just a little bump on my road to recovery.  I just have to pray that the radiation will zap this back tumor and the chemo will continue to do what it's doing.  I know God will listen and get me through all of this!

MRI--My Rotten Incident!

Well today was the day for the MRI.  Was is the optimal word there.  My dear friend Michelle changed her schedule around to come pick me up and take me tothe imaging center.  We get there and I take my anxiety med, since I'm HORRIBLY claustrophobic, and well...it doesn't happen. They tried but I couldn't do it. Like a dork I had a panic attack and we couldn't get all the way through.  I started sweating and panicking.  So I'm awaiting a phone call from my oncologist to see what the next step is.  Harder drugs I'm sure!  And while I wait I ask that God give me peace and I some how am able to do this MRI that we so badly
need to look at.  Thanks for any prayers to get me through this.  I know I can do it, just need a little help!

We are FAMILY!

Me and My 2 Favorite Girls!!

My family is so amazing.  They have been with me through every twist and turn of this crazy roller coaster ride I am on.  They listen, they clean, the pray, they call, they e-mail, they wash laundry, they go to doctor's appointments, and they are just there no questions asked just there!  I can't help but think of all the times I've taken for granted how amazing my family is, and how much I need them.  It hit me last night when I was lying in my bed with Mike and Ava and Ava says to me...momma you know what my favorite thing in the world is...my family!  Man I have one smart baby girl!  Thank you Ava for reminding mejust how important our wonderful family is!  And thank you to my family for being so darn fabulous!!

Tif and I

God is GREAT!!

Today was Chemo number 6!  I also had to meet with the oncologist so Mike came
along.  When meeting with the doctor we talked about some aching I'm having in
my back and I will have a MRI on Monday so we can determine what's going on with the back tumor. 

We also talked a lot about how thankful I am that he has never given me a time
frame.  He told me he doesn't believe in that because no one EVER knows how long
they truly have and I am NOT a statistic!  He also told me he never knows who's going to be a miracle. 
It was a great visit. 

We then went on to begin treatment and he said he'd look
over a CT Scan I had at the hospital last week.  Well God is Great...while sitting chatting with Michelle and Mike and doing treatment Dr. Davidner came out to tell us the AMAZING news the lymph nodes have DRASTICALLY changed.  My body is responding.  The best news we've heard in the last 2 months.  I still can't stop thanking God....Yes Dr. Davidner I
think I AM going to be one of your miracles! 

Just A Small Town Girl

I grew up in a small town. I consider myself a small town person, but when you talk to my dad he says I live in the big city.  Well dad I tell you, I may have moved to the city but this is my small town.  This community is amazing.  The outpouring of support I have received over the last two months has been astonishing.  I have received hundreds of cards, numerous numerous gift cards, had dinner brought to my family four nights a week, and yesterday I was showered at school with scarves.   To see people pull together like this has been amazing. I feel like I am part of a Hallmark movie.  The generosity and support I have received has changed the way I look at things.  I feel that I am learning to be more empathetic, more appreciative, and more giving.  One day I will give back the way everyone has given to me!

Ding Ding Ding Round 5 is Done!

Today was Chemo number 5 I was lucky to have my friend Beth go with me.  We were able to have a nice visit in our 2 hour time and then went to a yummy lunch after.  Chemo is going really well.  I've been handling the drugs well and they've been able to speed up the rate of injection.  I pray that my tolerance continues.  The few side effects I've had my oncologist feels are great indicators that the drugs are working.  Even though this is a very difficult time for me I continue to appreciate the small blessings God gives me each day.  Please continue sending prayers my way. 



Happy St. Patrick's Day from 2 Lucky Girls



Kids Make Everything Better!

I've been working but this week my doctor didn't want me to push things so I stayed home.  On Tuesday I stopped by school to visit my First Graders. I was missing them.   This was the first visit without hair.  Everyone was a little caught off guard. They knew this was happening but seeing me in the scarf was a bit shocking to say the least.  So one of my boys came flying in from the bathroom and yelled across the room....WOW MRS. BERLS YOU LOOK SO COOL!  Totally broke the ice and all was good and normal.  Then while there some of my girls gave me a gift from the art center...new hair made of multi-color yarn.  The hair we all dream of!  The girls even wanted to know if they could wear scarves to school too!  All the students I ran into at school had strong opinions on my looks.  One of my former students even told me I look better this way...is that a compliment??   Another student said that he was sorry I lost my hair but at least now I can wear hats to school!

Wednesday Ava and I met up with some friends and headed out to Kaleidoscope.  Camila, 5, asked me why did Jesus give your doctor medicine that would make your hair fall out that's just crazy?  Before I could even answer she said wow but you look stylish in that cute hat.  I'm still adjusting to my hair loss but it gets easier every day and knowing kids can't lie makes me think it must not look all that bad!!

Out and About!

Yesterday was the first day I went somewhere without my hair that people knew me.  I had a hard time deciding hat, scarf, or wig.  The wig just didn't feel right so I put on a hat and my number 1 supporter, Ava, put hers on as well and we went out! It was much harder than I imagined it to be and I'm not sure why.  But what I have figured out in the past 72 hours is before the hair was gone it wasn't obvious I was walking around with cancer....now without hair it's a constant reminder.  But what I also know is to be well and be with Mike and watch my Ava grow up I will give up my hair, it is more than worth it!  God is giving me the strength to deal with this, he has wrapped his arms around me and surronded me with the most amazing people!! 

BLOGGR

A little WIGGED out

The Winner!

I can't decide if I'm a hat person, a scarf person, or a wig person but I wanted to go ahead and get a wig...just in case I decide it's for me!  So yesterday after treatment Jan, Mom, Jill and I went to the wig shop at the Cancer Society downtown.  And I found a pretty close to my "old" hair wig.  The lady there told me about another shop I might want to try out so Mom, Ava, and I went today to try some more.  I wanted to find something a bit shorter.  This time around wasn't as productive but boy did we have fun!!

Hair Today...Gone Tomorrow

After 3 weeks of treatment I started to be a little optimistic that my hair just might not fall out...then BAM it happened.  It started falling out in handfuls.  Every time I moved more and more hair fell out.  I decided to just go get it over with and buzz it off! 

Ava Quotes:

• Huh that's not what I thought you'd look like!
• Momma your hair looks worse than Daddy's but it's ok your face is still BEAUTIFUL!
• Hey come back here I'm not done rubbing your head!

The Fight Begins...

While 2010 was a fabulous year, I made several trips to the doctor because I just wasn't feeling quite right. With every trip I was assured all was fine.  In January I came down with persistant cough.  After a trip to urgent care  the last week of January, I was diagnosed with pneumonia.  I was sent the next day to have a CT scan done of my lung, sent imediately to a lung specialist, and told I would be having fluid drained from my lung the following day.  When testing this fluid they found malignant cancer cells. So over the weeks to follow I underwent many scans and tests to figure this all out. I was diagnosed with lung adenocarcinomas - which is lung cancer in the pleura of the lungs. Initially, it seemed impossible to have lung cancer as a young nonsmoker. However, I have learned that this particular type of lung cancer is growing in prevalence - it's different than the type of lung cancer that effects smokers. In women, about 20% of lung cancer cases are now nonsmoking young women. They don't know why..... yet

I had a PET scan and they now know I have a tumor in my left lung, a tumor on my 4th vertabrae and the lymph nodes in my bronchial tubes as well as those in my neck are filled.

I am currently in my 4th week of treatment. I am doing 2 chemo drugs and one target drug called Avastin.

Thank you for keeping myself, Mike, and Ava and all of my doctors in your prayers. I know we will get through this!