It's the happiest season of all.....

What a busy and wonderful time of the year!  Christmas makes me feel like a child.  I think there is nothing better than looking at decorations and Christmas lights!  And I'm not sure who is worse when a gift is added under the tree Ava or me.....we both rush to check and see who it's for.  Even though the holidays are busy it always reminds me of how blessed I am.  I have such great family and friends.  It brings me such joy to shop for others, attend holiday parties, and make plans to help my family have a fabulous Christmas!  I love telling the Christmas story to Ava, as a girl after my own heart, she loves nativities which gives us the perfect opportunity to focus on the true meaning of Christmas.  It amazes me every time I see the joy in her eyes when she sees baby Jesus and knows that he came to Earth for us. 

Along with all the joys of season I've also had some setbacks.  I've had pneumonia the last couple of weeks but I am feeling much better the past few days.  In running all the tests for the pneumonia the doctors discovered that the cancer tumors in my bronchial tube lymph nodes are much larger.  3 months ago everything was continuing to shrink to hardly noticeable but unfortunately the tumors are growing now and we need to once again switch courses.  My doctor and his team are working on a new plan and have a certain drug in mind but there are some paper work hoops to jump through. 

Although this is not the news we had hoped to hear we will continue to push on and fight this battle.  In this season of miracles we never know what to expect.  I know with the love and support of my family and friends I will make it through this bump and be stronger because of it.   God Bless you all and Merry Christmas! 

Just Breathe.....

Today was my 3rd PET scan.  As I waited to go back I thought about all the blessings I've been given in the past 8 months.  All the prayers that have been answered and continued this thinking throughout my scan.  I have been surrounded by the most amazingly supportive group of people anyone could imagine and I believe that's a large part of my success with beating cancer. And although I thought about this, and believe this wholeheartedly I still felt like I held my breath until 5:00 when I received  the anticipated call from Dr. Davidner.  He began with we've got great news.......ahhhhh breathe!!  My lymph nodes still have cancer in them but it's shrinking.  So Dr. Davidner will consult his team and decide if we need to make any changes to treatment but he feels confident what we are doing is working and we will continue this course!  Thank you for all the continued prayers and support you are all amazing!  God Bless!!

Twas the Night Before the FIRST day of school...

It's one of my favorite times of the year!  School starts tomorrow.  12 years of teaching and I still get the first day jitters.  Can't wait to have all my kiddos there and get the year started.  I LOVE getting to know all of them and building our classroom community. I can only hope that while building our community that all my new families understand the twist that life has brought me and my family.  As I go back to school I hope and pray that my health remains good.  I have been battling some issues with my voice but we haven't been able to find the culprit as of yet.  My doctors are assuming it could be chemo related, it could be allergies, all I know is I like talking TOO much to have any issues with my voice!  I will continue my treatment schedule of every three weeks for the time being.  I have treatment again in a couple of weeks and after that it's time for a PET scan to make sure things are still looking good.  I ask for continued prayers for good health and strength.  I'm not the only one with jitters tonight. Ava is embarking on a new journey tomorrow as well.  She will be going to preschool at Blackburn this year.  Big and exciting changes. She may have some fears but as a typical girl she knew what was important....finding the perfect outfit for the first day of school!  She said "I need a fancy outfit because you HAVE to look fancy for the first day of school!!" 

Back At It!!

I am now on maintenance treatment for the time being.  Instead of having to go weekly I now go every three weeks for about an hour.  Today started this new treatment, with a new drug.  Although all went great it is a little weird tonight sitting wondering if or how the new drug will effect me.  It's all any of us around here can think about.  And the crazy part is I may have no side effects at all which is what of course we are all hoping for.  But what I do know is no matter the side effects it won't be as bad as before because I don't have it for 2 weeks...yes!!  It's so easy to focus on the little things like side effects or treatment day and loose sight of the big picture.... MIRACLES ARE HAPPENING!!.  I'm trying to remind myself to thank God daily for the blessings occuring in my body and my life.   So I continue to ask for prayers for strength and good health.  I know all of our prayers are being heard! 

You find out who your friends are...

An amazing number of people showed up with their big old hearts on Saturday to show their support for me.   Saturday night my amazing family held "Ropin for Tasha".   Because of the weather the roping part of the event was canceled but they still had a bbq dinner and an auction.  The turn out was incredible.  Not only do I have what I consider one hell of a family I have been blessed with some of the most giving friends of our family.  It was an amazing, laid back, fun event.  I was able to see some family friends I haven't seen in years and it felt like I was a kid again!  To be surrounded by family, friends, food, and fun....I can't imagine a better way to spend an evening.  And to think they were all there to support my family makes it all the more remarkable.  Thank you to my Northwest Missouri Family and Friends.  I have an amazing family!  We have always been very, very close.  Well this time I think they out did themselves.

Answered Prayers

Last week when I met with Dr. Davidner he told me about a new drug he thinks we should switch to but before being able to switch he needed to see where we stood.  So he ordered a PET scan which I had this Wednesday.  After a long evening and day of waiting we finally got the call with excellent news.  The PET scan had good results.  My body has responded tremendously to the treatment I've been doing.  My lung is completely clear as is my back.  A tumor is starting to grow back in my lymph nodes but Dr. Davidner assured me we could handle this.  So we are switching courses and I will be starting a new drug in a week.  This week we have to prepare my body and I have to begin B12 shots.  The reason for changing at this time, is new findings that doing this treatment after the course I was previously on increases the time a lung cancer patient stays in remission.  So while this is fabulous news and God has blessed me more than I could ever imagine by no means am I clear and this is over.  What I have had to come to terms with is I will have to learn to live with cancer.  This will be a life long journey for me....but for now it is one more miracle on the road to what I have to believe will be miracle after miracle! 

Not my week!

Not the best week here.  I first called to set up my PET scan and soon got news I was not happy with.  I found out that when Dr. Davidner had said 3 treatments and then scan he had meant 3 rounds of treatments.  9 full weeks not the 3 weeks like I had thought.  I guess that was wishful thinking on my part!  I will do whatever it takes and make the best of it but I do have to admit I was a bit disappointed.  My friend Sarah and I head out to treatment on Thursday, I have my blood drawn, get weighed, blood pressure taken, and go sit in my recliner, get my self wrapped in my blankets, all the fun weekly tasks.  Then we wait and wait and wait.  I'm beginning to think ok people what's going on here.  Finally the nurse comes to let me know Dr. Davidner has decided my white blood count is too low for treatment that day.  She tells me I need to take it easy for a week and stay away from big crowds.  Or places that large amounts of people go.  I think how weird I feel great.  I guess I'm taking it as a blessing a week without chemo equals a week without side effects.  And so today Ava and I kicked off our week of relaxation by staying in our jammies all day and watching movies.  Doesn't sound to bad does it!  We continue to pray for good health here at the Berls house and ask that you do the same.  Thank you for all the support! 

Little People Big Blessings!

Each year late May I begin to get sentimental and sad that my first graders are moving on to second grade.  We really become a family in our classroom.  This year though is so different.  Because of everything I've gone through I have grown so close to my first graders and their families.  These families have become more than my first grade parents they've become my friends.  As I sit here thinking about all I need to do to wrap up the school year I can't help but feel very emotional and quite frankly a bit scared.  Since February these people have been through it all with me, in a way they're my comfort and it's a bit scary to think of them leaving.  They understand and trust that I will give it my all to do best by their children.  It's crazy to think ahead to the fall and a new set of families coming in and my having to gain thier trust and I'm sure soothe their worries that their child has been placed in the classroom of the teacher who spent many days absent because of cancer.  I also have high expectations that the case will be quite different by August and I will NOT be the teacher with cancer rather the teacher who HAD cancer.  All I can hope and wish for is that God blesses me with another classroom filled with compasoniate giving families as I'm sure he will!  

Thank you for all you've done for me and with me Room 3!

Here We Go Again.....

 

 Started back with chemo today....all three drugs.  We were there from 9:30-3:00 long day!  I will do two more weeks after today and then schedule the PET scan and see where everything stands!  I also met with Dr. Davidner and he said everything looks good. I've been having a little pain in my side and have a mild cough.  He thinks the cough is just related to allergies and nothing to worry about.  He didn't feel anything out of the ordinary in my exam so just wants me to watch the pain and if it gets worse we will do some scans.  But he told me how great it is that I am listening to my body and not blowing one little ache or pain off....he needs to know everything.  Uhhh no problem!  Here's what I've discovered, once you have cancer nothing feels like "just allergies".  You listen to your body more than you did before.  You feel every little tiny thing and you wonder what it is.  You try and think to yourself oh it's probably "just allergies" but in the back of your mind you still wonder.  Now really listening to your body and telling your doctor everything is what should have always been happening however if one did this they'd be considered a hypochondriac and crazy!!  So what I've learned and can share with everyone......who cares let your crazies out, listen to your body and call your doctor too often!   

Oh What a Night.....



The Terrace on Grand



The Yummy Cupcakes


 I think one of my best decisions was made at the Outback in Maryville on St. Paddy's Day 1995 when I vowed to be friends forever with Michelle Krambeck Burge.  Who knew then the roller coaster ride God would send our friendship on.  We've been through a lot of good and a lot of bad these past years but I know I can always count on her no matter what!    So Thursday night she out did herself she decided to throw a fundraiser for me.  She enlisted the help of a few friends and family and set out to pull off an incredible event.  And boy was it ever!  Overwhelmed.......completely overwhelmed.  That's the only way to describe how I feel about the support I got at this event. Hundreds of family members, friends, co-workers, friends of friends all there enjoying themselves, eating, drinking, watching a surprise show, listening to music, dancing, buying auction items and all for me.  UNBELIEVABLE!!

The Surprise Visitors



The One Who Put It All Together



Thank you to everyone for all your support......you are all AMAZING!!  You can find all the pictures from the night at www.j2photography.com/tashasfight





A SLAM DUNK Event

This weekend a team of 4th graders, The Bruins, and their parents sponsored a basketball tournament in my name.  What an honor!  It all started with one set of parents whose younger son is in my classroom.  What an amazing thing, for all these people plus others to have given their time and weekend for me.  Gosh this makes the Bruins 1st place in my opinion!  I am blessed in so many ways and by so many people. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

Gimme a break....

We met with Dr. Davidner today.  He didn't like hearing about all my side effects, especially those to do with leg cramps.  He decided the best thing for  me and my body right now is to take a small break.  So I get to enjoy the next 4 weeks chemo free!  He said my body responds best when it's in top shape and right now it is not!  The plan is to start chemo back up the end of May.  We will then do 3-6 more weeks of therapy.  After that I will have a PET scan to see how the cancer has responded.  So we will be praying for amazing results!

Following the PET scan I will probably begin working with a radiologist who will most likely order radiation on my back and lung.  This part, of course, is my Dr.'s guess as to what he feels the radiologist will want to do.  Thank you God for answered prayers! I needed a lift to get to feeling better and hopefully this is the
answer. Thank you all for the continued prayers and support it means so very much!

Another Thursday!

 My sweet friend Jill joined me today at Chemo.  Number 10 down! Everything went well and quite fast considering I had all 3 drugs today.  We then headed for a yummy lunch and just a little jewelry shopping!  I'm getting a bit spoiled with all the fun lunches after treatment.  I won't know what to do with myself once
this ends.  I've been having some really bad headaches so my oncologist had me do a CAT Scan yesterday.  Thankfully he let me know today that everything looks normal.  He keeps telling me my brain looks fabulous!  He once said he could tell I'm smart....boy do I LOVE this man!  He also told me our plan of action for right now is to continue on this same path because we know that its working.  He doesn't have an ending date at this time, but he does know that once we end chemo he will have me begin radiation.  He believes my body will handle it better doing one treatment at a time.  He doesn't want me to get too run down from too much treatment.  Although I was hoping for a end to be in my close future, I know I'm in good hands and will do whatever he says.  With God providing me with so many supporters by my side I know I can do anything!

Team Berls

I woke up Friday morning with a horrible headache.  I was nauseous and miserable all day, so I spent the day in bed.  About 4:30, I started feeling better which was good news since I had the honor of being invited to the Relay for Life dinner.  My friend Julie Davis' daughter Emily Davis got together with a group of her friends and sponsored a team on my behalf.  The dinner was really nice, and then we headed up to the gym.  I walked the first lap with the survivors, and then the caregivers were invited to join.  Mike joined me, as expected, and we continued to walk.  Then much to my surprise my First Graders, their parents, and my fellow teachers joined me too!  I was shocked! So many people walked with me making it very clear that I am not alone on my road to recovery!

My First Graders carried signs and banners as they walked.

I hear my First Graders were a little anxious as they waited to surprise me!

So many coworkers came to show support!

Emily Davis led the way for the Hunting for a Cure team.

Treatment #9

My lovely sister drove down Wednesday night so she could hang out with me during my treatment.  Dr. Davidner was out of town, so he will call me next week to discuss my next treatment steps.  Everything went fine during the treatment, but I was so tired I slept the whole time!  Luckily, my nap gave the energy I needed to go out to eat and go shopping.  It was so nice to get to spend girl time with my sis!

8 Treatments Down!!

 It's hard to believe I have already completed 8 treatments.  I have one more treatment and then I will have completed my first 3 rounds.  Meet with the Dr. next week and he will give me my orders as to how many more rounds we are doing and when we will start the radiation.  I'm anxious to hear our exact moves and get it all started.  Today my mother-in-law, Jan, joined me.  She is a 20+ plus year breast cancer survivor and my "go to" person to answer all my questions.  I'm lucky to have such a positive, amazing lady in my life! 


I have progressively gotten more and more tired so am unable to keep up my usual teaching schedule.  I'm disappointed to have to go to half days rather than full days with my first graders, but I know this is only a small amount of time in the big picture of life.  I struggle with putting myself first but I also know this is a time I MUST do what's best for me! 


Please continue your prayers they are so appreciated!

Oh, What a Beautiful Morning!

 Since my body has a new 3:30 a.m. wake up time I was up extra early.  I decided Mom, Ava, and I should enjoy breakfast before starting our long day of treatment.  We got done with time to spare so I dropped by school to visit my spectacular first graders!!  I love seeing my kiddos.  They bring me lots and lots of smiles!!  Boy they brought me more than a smile today.  Sheila, my current sub, former coworker, and always close friend, gave each of my students a piece of fabric to decorate. She then made the squares into a quilt from my room 3 family.  They were super excited to give it go me.  It was so sweet it made me cry.  As if I didn't tear up enough one of my sweeties told me that now even if I'm not at school they would be with me.  Is this not what makes life so wonderful?  This is what it's all about. 

Now I could stop here and think......Wow I had an unbelievable morning, but no......I also got a cute basket from an anonymous friend filled with cute little poems and gift cards to celebrate all my good days.  I see LOTS of shopping and pedicures in my future.  Wow, what a GREAT way to start my day! 

Mom and I then headed off for my long day of treatment.  Today was number 7, and I got all 3 drugs today.  We were there about 4 hours but time went by quickly.  My blood counts were all in the normal range.  I've been very very fatigued lately so I talked with the nurse about this and if there is anything I can do to remedy the situation...but it's just all part of the treatments.  I'm focusing on all the positives like up until this moment how great I've felt and how I'm truly surrounded by the most amazing people and kids ever!  I continue to feel blessed daily! 

Two Steps Forward, 1 Step Back

My oncologist called today to see what happened yesterday at the MRI.  He told  me a story about when he had a panic attack in an MRI machine.  He then told me the good news...I don't have to redo it!  He got enough information with the time I was in to see what he needed to see!  YEAH!!  He then told me the downside.  The tumor in my back is still there but from what he can tell it hasn't changed.  He is consulting
with a friend in New York that has been working with him on my case but he is pretty sure we will continue chemotherapy and now add radiation to my back.  This is so disappointing after hearing how the chemo is working in my lymph nodes and lungs!  I think today's news was just a little bump on my road to recovery.  I just have to pray that the radiation will zap this back tumor and the chemo will continue to do what it's doing.  I know God will listen and get me through all of this!

MRI--My Rotten Incident!

Well today was the day for the MRI.  Was is the optimal word there.  My dear friend Michelle changed her schedule around to come pick me up and take me tothe imaging center.  We get there and I take my anxiety med, since I'm HORRIBLY claustrophobic, and well...it doesn't happen. They tried but I couldn't do it. Like a dork I had a panic attack and we couldn't get all the way through.  I started sweating and panicking.  So I'm awaiting a phone call from my oncologist to see what the next step is.  Harder drugs I'm sure!  And while I wait I ask that God give me peace and I some how am able to do this MRI that we so badly
need to look at.  Thanks for any prayers to get me through this.  I know I can do it, just need a little help!

We are FAMILY!

Me and My 2 Favorite Girls!!

My family is so amazing.  They have been with me through every twist and turn of this crazy roller coaster ride I am on.  They listen, they clean, the pray, they call, they e-mail, they wash laundry, they go to doctor's appointments, and they are just there no questions asked just there!  I can't help but think of all the times I've taken for granted how amazing my family is, and how much I need them.  It hit me last night when I was lying in my bed with Mike and Ava and Ava says to me...momma you know what my favorite thing in the world is...my family!  Man I have one smart baby girl!  Thank you Ava for reminding mejust how important our wonderful family is!  And thank you to my family for being so darn fabulous!!

Tif and I

God is GREAT!!

Today was Chemo number 6!  I also had to meet with the oncologist so Mike came
along.  When meeting with the doctor we talked about some aching I'm having in
my back and I will have a MRI on Monday so we can determine what's going on with the back tumor. 

We also talked a lot about how thankful I am that he has never given me a time
frame.  He told me he doesn't believe in that because no one EVER knows how long
they truly have and I am NOT a statistic!  He also told me he never knows who's going to be a miracle. 
It was a great visit. 

We then went on to begin treatment and he said he'd look
over a CT Scan I had at the hospital last week.  Well God is Great...while sitting chatting with Michelle and Mike and doing treatment Dr. Davidner came out to tell us the AMAZING news the lymph nodes have DRASTICALLY changed.  My body is responding.  The best news we've heard in the last 2 months.  I still can't stop thanking God....Yes Dr. Davidner I
think I AM going to be one of your miracles! 

Just A Small Town Girl

I grew up in a small town. I consider myself a small town person, but when you talk to my dad he says I live in the big city.  Well dad I tell you, I may have moved to the city but this is my small town.  This community is amazing.  The outpouring of support I have received over the last two months has been astonishing.  I have received hundreds of cards, numerous numerous gift cards, had dinner brought to my family four nights a week, and yesterday I was showered at school with scarves.   To see people pull together like this has been amazing. I feel like I am part of a Hallmark movie.  The generosity and support I have received has changed the way I look at things.  I feel that I am learning to be more empathetic, more appreciative, and more giving.  One day I will give back the way everyone has given to me!

Ding Ding Ding Round 5 is Done!

Today was Chemo number 5 I was lucky to have my friend Beth go with me.  We were able to have a nice visit in our 2 hour time and then went to a yummy lunch after.  Chemo is going really well.  I've been handling the drugs well and they've been able to speed up the rate of injection.  I pray that my tolerance continues.  The few side effects I've had my oncologist feels are great indicators that the drugs are working.  Even though this is a very difficult time for me I continue to appreciate the small blessings God gives me each day.  Please continue sending prayers my way. 



Happy St. Patrick's Day from 2 Lucky Girls



Kids Make Everything Better!

I've been working but this week my doctor didn't want me to push things so I stayed home.  On Tuesday I stopped by school to visit my First Graders. I was missing them.   This was the first visit without hair.  Everyone was a little caught off guard. They knew this was happening but seeing me in the scarf was a bit shocking to say the least.  So one of my boys came flying in from the bathroom and yelled across the room....WOW MRS. BERLS YOU LOOK SO COOL!  Totally broke the ice and all was good and normal.  Then while there some of my girls gave me a gift from the art center...new hair made of multi-color yarn.  The hair we all dream of!  The girls even wanted to know if they could wear scarves to school too!  All the students I ran into at school had strong opinions on my looks.  One of my former students even told me I look better this way...is that a compliment??   Another student said that he was sorry I lost my hair but at least now I can wear hats to school!

Wednesday Ava and I met up with some friends and headed out to Kaleidoscope.  Camila, 5, asked me why did Jesus give your doctor medicine that would make your hair fall out that's just crazy?  Before I could even answer she said wow but you look stylish in that cute hat.  I'm still adjusting to my hair loss but it gets easier every day and knowing kids can't lie makes me think it must not look all that bad!!

Out and About!

Yesterday was the first day I went somewhere without my hair that people knew me.  I had a hard time deciding hat, scarf, or wig.  The wig just didn't feel right so I put on a hat and my number 1 supporter, Ava, put hers on as well and we went out! It was much harder than I imagined it to be and I'm not sure why.  But what I have figured out in the past 72 hours is before the hair was gone it wasn't obvious I was walking around with cancer....now without hair it's a constant reminder.  But what I also know is to be well and be with Mike and watch my Ava grow up I will give up my hair, it is more than worth it!  God is giving me the strength to deal with this, he has wrapped his arms around me and surronded me with the most amazing people!! 

BLOGGR

A little WIGGED out

The Winner!

I can't decide if I'm a hat person, a scarf person, or a wig person but I wanted to go ahead and get a wig...just in case I decide it's for me!  So yesterday after treatment Jan, Mom, Jill and I went to the wig shop at the Cancer Society downtown.  And I found a pretty close to my "old" hair wig.  The lady there told me about another shop I might want to try out so Mom, Ava, and I went today to try some more.  I wanted to find something a bit shorter.  This time around wasn't as productive but boy did we have fun!!

Hair Today...Gone Tomorrow

After 3 weeks of treatment I started to be a little optimistic that my hair just might not fall out...then BAM it happened.  It started falling out in handfuls.  Every time I moved more and more hair fell out.  I decided to just go get it over with and buzz it off! 

Ava Quotes:

• Huh that's not what I thought you'd look like!
• Momma your hair looks worse than Daddy's but it's ok your face is still BEAUTIFUL!
• Hey come back here I'm not done rubbing your head!

The Fight Begins...

While 2010 was a fabulous year, I made several trips to the doctor because I just wasn't feeling quite right. With every trip I was assured all was fine.  In January I came down with persistant cough.  After a trip to urgent care  the last week of January, I was diagnosed with pneumonia.  I was sent the next day to have a CT scan done of my lung, sent imediately to a lung specialist, and told I would be having fluid drained from my lung the following day.  When testing this fluid they found malignant cancer cells. So over the weeks to follow I underwent many scans and tests to figure this all out. I was diagnosed with lung adenocarcinomas - which is lung cancer in the pleura of the lungs. Initially, it seemed impossible to have lung cancer as a young nonsmoker. However, I have learned that this particular type of lung cancer is growing in prevalence - it's different than the type of lung cancer that effects smokers. In women, about 20% of lung cancer cases are now nonsmoking young women. They don't know why..... yet

I had a PET scan and they now know I have a tumor in my left lung, a tumor on my 4th vertabrae and the lymph nodes in my bronchial tubes as well as those in my neck are filled.

I am currently in my 4th week of treatment. I am doing 2 chemo drugs and one target drug called Avastin.

Thank you for keeping myself, Mike, and Ava and all of my doctors in your prayers. I know we will get through this!